it’s.too.soon…

to be saying goodbye, but that is what we have done.  Spud stopped growing at six weeks and we didn’t know it until Feb. 11th.  i don’t have words to express my sorrow.  it is all together too soon to have this end.  my heart is broken… my body is sore.  so:

here’s to Levi Aleksander.  

here’s to the baby that i won’t hold.  

here’s to a child in heaven with my true Father.  

and here’s to the tears that i can’t seem to stop crying.  we never held you, but we will always love you.   

thinking.of.homebirth

Bella was supposed to be born at home.  After a long and arduous labor, she was born in the hospital.  It could have been worse than it was, and I was grateful that the hospital was there when I needed it.  But now, I don’t know if I want to do that again… my mom talked to the midwife in charge of Bella’s birth and there are so many pros… now I don’t know what to do… because Amante wants a doctor and a hospital.  I need to think about this more… it is going to be tough for me now that I have heard Yolanda’s side again.  The hospital sounds so cold compared to the opportunity to be home… 

ivillage.rules

those who know me know that i am not a “message board” kind of gal.  i shy away from chat rooms, etc… but ivillage has taken me captive!!  it is great to talk to other pregnant ladies, get advice and sympathy… and not feel quite so isolated.  

the sweet potato is fine.  the morning sickness has finally abated, and that is so nice.  i don’t feel like i have the flu all the time anymore. i have also started peeing all the time… i can drink again (even water tasted nasty when i was sick), so my bladder is always full.  

the only other major news is that my belly is still growing, and sometimes i think i feel flutters down low.  everyone says it is too early for that… but i don’t know… this is way more regular than gas!  maybe by my first dr’s appt coming up on the 21st they will be able to tell me more about how big Spud is… i am really hoping that will go well.  i am really looking forward to it.

ok… i am off to post on the message boards some more.  i guess i really am addicted!! it’s such fun!!